SATURDAY NIGHT HIGH

No, I haven't blogged in a while.  And yes, I still have my bellyfat!  I am actually doing pretty good with my work outs and my eating habits are moderate depending on the day.  I find if I keep myself busy, I am less likely to snack.  I would like to thank by good boy Spotty for accompanying me on my two mile jogs, which is at least toning my legs up.  If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be making it out the door almost every evening to run.  See those eyes, that is the look I get until I take him out.  At first he was a struggle to run with and dreaded it as much as I did.  He would hang his head and act like it was the worst thing in the world.  Don't take that wrong, he loves to go running, but on his own terms.  He would much rather run out in the desert or go to the dog park and socialize.  But, after a few weeks he has accepted that running circles around the neighborhood isn't such a bad thing and he looks forward to it.  I love to watch him pick up his pace and hold his head up high when we are passing neighbors and neighbor's yards where their dogs are barking and watching as we jog past.  It is as if he is thinking, "look at me."  Our jogging together has actually brought us closer.  I adopted him to replace my faithful lab Kipper that passed a year ago.  Kipper was my shadow and snuggle partner.  Spot ended up being attached to Bobby and refused to snuggle with me for whatever reason.  But now that we are jogging partners he wants to be closer to me and doesn't run off the bed when I lay next to him.  He will never replace my Kipper, but he is another sweet boy that is capturing my heart.

Forge Ahead

Well blog followers, I have been sick for a week now, which has really put a damper on my early morning work outs with Jillian.  When you wake up all night coughing, you really don't have the energy to get up at 4:15 am to jump up and down and do lunges.  It really feels like the few pounds I have lost or I should say the few inches, have crept back up in that short time frame.  And, it really pisses me off.

I know the best way to keep weight off is by losing a little bit at a time and not all at once, which I am okay with.  I've really got about 2.5 more months to be bikini ready.  You're probably thinking, "You where a bikini?"  Yeah, well, I actually look better in a two piece, because a one piece makes me look like a pudgy slug.  I can't even wear a tankini without looking ridiculous.  My rolls look better separated with a bikini, than all in one.  However, I do not go out in public with my bikini, unless it is vacation.  That is the nice thing about having your own pool.  You can lay out, rolls and hairy legs, and no one will never even know.  When you're on vacation, you will never see those people ever again anyway.  Bobby and I have been to the beach in California and Cancun and I am usually quite amazed at how many women sport a bikini and REALLY shouldn't be, just like myself.  I ask myself, "why am I so self conscious about wearing a bikini in public, they aren't?  I fit right in."  Do those women care what they look like and just wear the bikini anyway, or do they have the same thoughts I do?  I figure that no matter what, I will always be self conscious of my figure.  I look back to my days of being super fit and I never thought I was thin enough.  I just couldn't get myself below that 103 lb. mark.  We give ourselves a goal, but once we reach that goal, it isn't good enough.  I look at pictures and can't believe that I actually wanted to be thinner than 103 lbs.  I had no ass and no boobs!  But, I didn't think of not having any curves.  All I thought was getting into the smaller pant size. 

So,  now I'm embracing my curves.  I just need them toned up and cellulite minimized. What happened to the days of Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelley, Debbie Reynolds, and Lana Turner?  I love watching the movies they were in just so I don't have to look at the now emaciated actresses, like Angelina Jolie and Kyra Sedgwick.  I want to see a natural body portrayed on screen, not starved and personal trained to mere bones.  I'm sure some of you might agree.

Self-Control

Some times when you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.  Well, that has been my past seven days.  Give or take a few.  Hell, that has been my last eight years.

My faithful cat sits here next to the computer as I write out my thoughts.  He sits, stares, half closes his eyes, and is just silent.  I find that to be me, more often then not.  If I say what really wants to come out of my mouth, I guarantee it would cause some real issues wherever I might be or make certain people think twice about who they are.  But, who needs words, when I can glare.   Why speak, when what I have to say wouldn't be understood?  Many years ago, I used to write tons of poetry as my outlet.  In a sense, it was my therapy, but it also hindered me from moving on.  Now, my outlet is working out, but it doesn't take away my daily aggravations.

On Saturday I started taking 5 HTP Mood Enhancer.  Today is starting day 5, so I'll keep you posted on how it works.  It is supposed to help me sleep, help my mood, and curb appetite.  I'm not sure I've noticed much difference yet.

Now I'm off to start my second day of Level 2 with Jillian.  I thought, oh level 2, no sweat.  Well, I had to take yesterday morning off, because I was so sore.  Normally I'm good with the 3 minute cool down of stretching.  My 3 minutes of cool down stretching turned into me laying on the yoga mat, spread eagle for 5 minutes, trying to regroup.  But, I am starting to see some results, which is good and I'm eating in moderation, which is also good.  If I could stop reaching for the tortilla chips, it would be even better.  I LOVE TORTILLA CHIPS!  I still haven't eaten the cookies.  They are still on top of the fridge, out of sight, out of mind.